Our 200th Post

This is our 200th post!! When we started this blog 2 years ago, we had no idea just how great it would be for us. Not only has the blog been a great way to keep all of you up to date on Colby's health and our family, but it has also served as a great way for us to "cope." Writing about our experiences , especially the difficult ones, is actually pretty therapeutic. We truly appreciate all of you following our blog, praying for Colby, for Brody, and for our family. We also appreciate the comments that you leave us. Receiving a comment from a friend or family member always makes me smile!

I would love to tell you that after 2 years and 200 posts that dealing with Colby's heart defect is easy, but I don't think it will ever be easy. He will always have a heart defect, and that fact will always be in our minds. I have found myself "forgetting" at times, but then something always snaps me back into reality...him panting while playing, turning blue in the bathtub, him refusing to eat when I know he needs the calories, a stranger saying, 'wow, he's so tiny,' or seeing the scar on his little chest. These little reminders of his heart defect do get me down sometimes, but then he flashes me that little smile and lets me know that everything is going to be fine.

I found this poem on Maddie's blog. I thought I would share it with you all, because it really expresses all of the feelings and emotions that I have experienced over the last 2 years with our "heart baby."

"The Day I Became a Heart Mother"

One day my world came crashing down,

I'll never be the same.

They told me that my child was sick.

I thought, "am I to blame?"

I don't think I can handle this.

I am really not that strong.

It seemed my heart was breaking.

I have loved him for so long.

I will not give up on this child.

I will listen to your advice.

I will give my child any chance.

No matter what the price.

I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.

I'll even use that feeding tube.

My child must survive.

Will he need a lot of therapy?

Will he gain the needed weight?

Please God, help me do this.

I will accept our fate.

When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.

How many parents would love that sound.

Tomorrow I will be kinder.

As another Angel earns his wings,

I run to my child's bed.

I watch him sleep for quite a while.

I bend down and kiss his head.

I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.

I look to You wondering why?

Oh Lord, I can't know Your ways...no matter how I try.

And yet, I trust You hold his life, and guide us through each day.

My mind says savor each moment he's here,

buy my heart begs, "Please let him stay!"

From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.

From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.

From wondering, "will he be alright?" to watching him reach out his hands.

With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.

For all who see that faded line.

I look to them and smile.

You see my child is loved so much.

I would face ANY trial.

That scar I trace with my finger (it's the door to his beautiful heart).

God must have known how much I'd love him (just as He loved him from the start).

A heart mom is always a heart mom.

Now wise beyond her years.

For those who have angels in heaven,

Our hearts share in all of your tears.

Every day I will try and remember,

I was chosen for him (and no other).

I will always embrace that beautiful day...

When I became a "Heart Mother."

--Author Unknown